This is a challenging time for so many of us. Now that our state governments are shifting away from the stay at home orders what does this mean for parents? How do we protect our kids from getting sick while also honoring their social needs as humans?
In times like this, using your family's value system is the best way to make decisions you can stand behind. Do what feels right to you while following the changing guidelines your state, county or country puts forth. This is not a time to assert control with our kids but to remind them this is unchartered territory. Your rules might not always make sense to them, but dealing with a pandemic is also new for you so you are backing up your choices based on your family value system. First let's talk about what a family value system is. When we consider who we are as parents, our religious and political beliefs aside, what is at the core of importance to us? Do we value people, security, health, guidelines, rules, etc.? There are many factors to consider, however, at the core of you it is easy to decide what feels right for your family. For some families they never stopped their kids from connecting to other children or relatives. For others they completely stayed separate from others only going out to exercise and to absolutely necessary stores for food and basic supplies. Then there are many who fall somewhere in between.
For kids 7 and under, you call the shots. It's ok if your child has a friend whose parents think it is ok for them to be together, if you don't you can simply tell your child that is not ok with you at this time. Allow the requests of your child to facetime with their friends or spend quality time with you as you're able. Setting up activities like a scavenger hunt in the home or yard can be a great way to help your kids have some fun and "feel special" where they can escape for a little bit from being in a pandemic. When my kids were quite young and I traveled for long periods I would create a "mommy fairy" who left clues for the kids to find an activity, item of interest or goodie to keep the connection with them while I was away, especially when I couldn't call home very often.
Kids 8-11, give them a bit more say in the process. Ask them how they feel about this situation? Then stay silent so they can process and share their feelings. Asking them things like "Would you like to do your homework now or in 5 minutes/" While both are a result you desire as the parent the child feels some sense of control over their world through choice. Also, sharing a small tidbit of your family's value system can help the child frame how you feel about the situation. It could look something like this, "Our family values people above all else so we are choosing to keep our distance from all people during this time." Or "We value and stay most healthy when we interact with our world, therefore we are choosing one family with which to socialize regularly. We also are choosing to grab a meal out once a week like we always have." Or "We are continuing on our home projects and have chosen to frequent the stores for the products we need, shopping sparingly but making sure we finish what we started. Spend time working with your children in your garden if you have one. What a great chance to clean up the yard with your children's help.
Kids 12-18, it's ok to share a little more in-depth about your family values with kids these ages. Refrain from shaming or making your rules controlling. Some families might share a statement like one of these "We value people and are concerned about burdening the medical system if too many people become ill at once. We are choosing to refrain from social interaction at all costs to inhibit the chances of cross contaminating with others." Or "We'll go out as a family and can socialize with another family at a distance in the yard. They'll bring there own chairs and only stay for a short time, we realize it's still essential for us to see people and reconnect. We are limited for now but things will change." Be a model for your children and follow your families rules.
If you allow your children to socialize with friends once the order is lifted, give ideas that work for you such as "Meet your friends at the field at the park, each of you bring a blanket to lay out and sit on with a few feet between you. If you'd like to share something on your phone text a link in place of passing your phone to your friend."
Send your child with a small bottle of hand sanitizer and ask them to clean their phone and hands after transitions of being with friends and moving into the family car. remind them not to touch another person's cell phone. Tell them to put their cell phone in their pocket and keep it away from tables and other surfaces. Be sure to remind kids to not share lipstick/chapstick, food, or beverages. Common-sense practices will help keep them socializing safely. Also, remind them to avoid touching their face and ears with their hands. The best way to sanitize your hands is washing well with soap and water.
You might have them choose three friends that they can see for the next three weeks to limit their exposure and watch what happens on the global front. This can not only give you some power in the process, if it eases your mind that is also a win. Protecting ourselves and hopefully exposing people to the virus at a slower rate is the goal at this time when there is no cure or reasonable vaccine option.
Norwex has a new hand towel that you might consider purchasing if you allow your kids to have friends come over. This will help keep germs at bay. Consider getting a humidifier for the drier months, this makes the air heavy and forces these types of viruses down. Do your research and learn how to keep your air and home clean when considering having non-immediate family in your home.
Lastly, make a pact with your kids that your family values protecting the medical care system as well as those most vulnerable. That they will follow the distance rules as they are set up by government or healthcare agencies. They will stay powerful when with friends and keep a distance as well as not touch their friends phone or share food or beverages with their friends.
I wish I never needed to write this article because, more than anything, kids need to be social (parents and adults, too). Do your best and don't sweat the small stuff, if they should find out they've been exposed don't panic. Take it in stride and see what unfolds. There are a host of stories about people who have had COVID-19 and nobody else in the family became ill. This is a unique situation and no matter where you stand on this issue, I hope we can all agree supporting each other in our own feelings about it and allowing for each family to use their value system to direct their action will help us all succeed.